Smack That

Upon being seated for my first class of the day, I could not help but notice an overpowering yet disturbing fragrance consuming the air around me. It wasn't long before I noticed the source of the smell.
Disgusting blueberry pastry.
Even an individual who is not horrified of the trans fats, sugar, and calorie content of such an item (Really though. It is the equivalent of eating a piece of cardboard. It is simply not food! how can you put that into your body) would have still gagged on the stale aroma. Probably it was due to this kids's lack of a shower, brushing his teeth, and overall hygiene combined with blueberry.
If this was where the trauma ended, it would have been endurable. However, hygiene boy had the consumption manners of a rabid starved hyena.
Mind you, this boy appeared normal. He was dressed in nice jeans and a t shirt. He was probably an average height, average weight for a 22-25 year old male.

I have never heard anything in my life that sounded the way this kid chewed. The word smacking simply doesn't do it justice. He was breathingly heavily through his nose, clicking his tongue, and smacking his chops all simultaneously. Mercy. I thought I would die.

I texted my brother Derek because I knew of all people, he would understand. He hates smacking more passionately than anyone I know.

This is a texting conversation that we had later that day.

"So as to avoid assault charges, I swiftly exited the computer lab a while ago when a female (approximately age 18-21 years of age) entered and proceeded to sit at the computer directly across from me, whilst smacking her gum like a camel. The fact that food costs money and i have therefore not eaten today probably contributed to the immense and immediate rage that consumed my body. Were it not for the existence of law and a justice system to implement and enforce this idea of law, said female would no longer have any teeth left in her head with which to chew."

"I do find it bothersome that our present judicial system and officials find it just to let individuals, such as aforementioned female, reside in public settings. Whatever happened to autonomy? Freedom? Liberty? The pursuit of happiness? I for one, am rather inclined to round up all of said individuals and let them proceed to smack their ears off how they may. Which actually... may include dad. Oops"

"It seems to me there exists a gap betwen justice and our so called justice system. Allow me to defend my statement: Said female certainly caused physical harm to my ears and emotional and psychological harm as well. Would it not be just for her to receive equal treatment? Why should she be allowed to cause such agonizing pain to others, while we, the victims, would face legal charges for exercising true justice via a karate chop to the face and a kung fu grip to the throat?"

Thankful for brother.
Now everyone else, close your mouth when you chew.