Monday, March 24, 2008


It was hot, dry, summer day in Provo. Kids were literally sitting outside frying eggs on the road. My friend Brian and I decided it would be the perfect opportunity for us to go to 7 Peaks, a local water park, to cool off. We walked into the park. Children were laughing and running about. The water felt cool against our skin. The slides were more slippery than ever. Tubes were plentiful and full of air. We took a run down our favorite ride, “The Boomerang.” As is customary, I made Brian go backwards seeing as how he hates it so much. It was the perfect day to face any fears. We slid down a few more slides, then decided to take a break and lay by the wave pool. We laid on our towels and the pavement was warm beneath us. We laid a moment, talking and delighting in the glory of the day. Brian sat up for a moment to tell me something.
And then his face turned marvelously pale. His eyes widened and I thought I saw a trickle of a tear form in the corner of his eye. But what caused such great alarm in my friend? I had to find out.
“Brian! What is it? Are you ok? Do you need to lay in the shade for a moment? Is everything alright?” Questions such as these arose. But he was speechless to add to my level of concern.
I noticed he was not looking directly at me. At all. I turned to see what was behind me. A greater mistake I have never made.
There stood a woman, tall, thick, and suited in green. Swim suited that is. But this was not the cause of such great alarm, no. She had pulled out the bottoms of her swim suit away from her belly, creating an area of space between her belly and her suit.
To my great astonishment, she then spread out her hand and stuck it in the front of where her bathing suit ought to be. In other words, she went for a BARE frontal scratch. In public. With little kids around.
Needless to say, my friend Brian is now traumatized for life.

Secret Tunnels

So, my brother is a relatively easy going, introverted fellow. He minds his own business. A happy go lucky sort of character, if you will.

Today he was walking home from work. It is the beginning of spring, so the weather was nice. The sun was setting and there was a little bit of cloud coverage so as to optimize the glory of the sunset. A warm gentle breeze swept across the valley.

Because of the delightful weather, many people were outside running.
My brother noticed a particular runner; a girl. He watched her as she glided up the hill. Her pony tailed flowed in the wind.

Suddenly, she turned off to the side. Wondering what she was up to, my brother watched as she hid beneath the safety of an oversized tree.

She crouched down low. What on earth was she doing? Who was she hiding from? “I better take a closer look” he thought.

And that’s when it happened. The girl was not hiding from someone. She was hiding from everyone. Because you see, when you run so far and so hard, it can really ware on a girl’s body so much that she can no longer control her bodily functions. In other words, she pooped. And my brother saw it. Hahahahaha.
The End.