Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Thank Goodness for BBQ forks and Bishops

Writing my most recent post, I was reminded of another grand experience I had whilst I was still in high school.
My family has a tradition of eating out on Monday nights. One Monday, I got home from work a little after my family had left to go eat. I decided to go for a quick jog around the neighborhood. I came home, cooked up some raviolis, and turned on the tv.
Someone knocked at my door.
I have made it a personal policy to never answer the door when no one else is home. I figure.. I have a cell phone and anyone I care about would call me. Plus I'm just like the biggest wuss ever.
The door bell rang.
I continued watching TV and stuffing my face.
Then, the doorbell started dinging repeatedly, probably like 30 times. I figured it was a) a friend joking around b) my lazy brothers who were too lazy to go around to the other door.
I got up to answer the door.
I looked out the window and what did I see?
A creepy looking dude in his 40's whom I did not recognize who was ringing my doorbell uncontrollably. No thank you.
I thought maybe it was someone weird my dad knew, so I answered. Plus I was way annoyed at all the ringing.
I opened the door.
"Do you own this house?"
"....no" (I was thinking, dude I'm like 16 years old what the heck does it look like)
"Is your dad here?"
"no" (I wished I had lied)
"oh."
And then he just stood there awkwardly.
Creepy. I was like, ok well I'll tell him you came by and I basically just kinda slammed the door in his face without getting his name or anything.
I went back to my TV watching.
I heard a creeking sound come from the front door. "Hm, must not have shut it all the way, wind blew it open...)
I go around the corner and look out the window before I made it to the door. Creepy man stil there. Creepy man has his hand on the door knob. I grabbed my cell phone and darted into the laundry room as fast and quietly as I could. My hands were shaking, I flipped out my cell phone.

No service.

Flipping laundry room.

I wrote a text message to my little brothers and dad.

I leaned out of the laundry room carefully, just enough to get a bar of service, and sent the text.

I bounced back into the laundry room. My heart was racing. A million thoughts were going through my head.
"What is this dude doing?, Are there other dudes with him? Is he inside my house right now? Can I fight him if I have to? What if he tries to kill me? Could I actually try to kill someone back? Why didn't I just go meet my parents for dinner?" etc.
I started getting mad.
Who does this honkie think that he is? He can't just come in here he can't just do this. This is our house.
I looked around in the laundry room for any sort of weapon.
A BBQ fork, you know, one of those big ones. I don't really know what those are even for. I grabbed it. I prayed a ton, and tried to get my head together. I really didn't want to stab someone and I really didn't want this dude around.

The back of our house has these big bay windows with no blinds. Perfect for creepers spying on highschool girls. I slid on my belly past the windows and towards the front door. I had my cell phone with me. I got to the entry way and looked toward the window. The dude was still there at the door! I could not believe it. It felt like I had been in there for at least 10 minutes. He must be on drugs. So, BBQ fork in hand, I slid up right to the front door. I reached up, locked the door, and darted back to the back of my house. I called my family and tried to convey quietly what was going on, and then went back to my hiding spot.
During our conversation on the phone, my dad asked me if I had locked all the doors.
"yes"
And then my stomach sank. I thought I was going to be sick.
The garage. I knew for sure that door was unlocked. There was not a chance I was going to walk through our dark garage to lock the walk in door. I stood next to the 2nd entrance of the garage door (this door does not have a lock on it, I think the builders of our house assumed that you would be smart enough to lock the outside one) I stood, and I waited.
Suddenly, I heard that garage door slam. My whole body was shaking.
The 2nd door flew open.
I felt so sick.

"AMBER! AMBER ITS ME STEPHANIE!"
My Bishop's wife had come to save the day. (luckily I did not fork her when she walked in the door.)
My parents had called our Bishop who lived just down the street. They came, did not see anyone, and my parents were home shortly thereafter. Phew.

5 comments:

Becca said...

AMber!!! I freaking love reading your blog! But I always seem to read it while in the way too quiet computer lab at school so when I laugh out loud everyone stares at me. ha you crack me up...Im glad you are still alive after all these incidents..

Debbie said...

I remember this all too well. I am so glad that you have survived all of these things. You really need to take better care of yourself. I love you!!

Anna said...

Holy crap!!! I wish you'd have stabbed him with the fork. I was waiting to find the end of the story be something like "Turns out it was just the bishop bringing over some bbq and I almost stabbed him."

Willi Nixon said...

of course this would happen to you amber... of course it would. i'm so glad you are alive as well, cause if you werent then all the creepy men would have to creep on me...

Ashley said...

I am laughing so hard, there are tears! I totally remember this and as scary as this was, I have to say...this would happen to you! LOL-This is one of the best "Amber stories" I've heard in my day. Luckily, I've been a part of a few of them. :)