Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Snatchin Yo People Up

Last night was a night just like any other. We came home from school around 8, whipped up some dinner, kicked off the ole shoes. Hung out, you know, that whole bit. We went to bed around midnight. Nothing really out of the ordinary.

Just as I was slipping away into a gorgeous sleep, I was rudely interrupted by a pounding at our front door.

Danny hopped out of bed to answer the door.

"Danny! Don't get it! If it was one of our friends they would have texted or called."
"Yeah I guess thats true..."

It felt like my heart and stomach had switched places. My head was spinning and my hands were shaking. I had approximately one million thoughts all at once. Should I press the panic button on our car key fob? Should we hide under the bed? Should we sneak out of our back window? Should we call the cops?

...[another spine chilling rapping on the door]

Danny peaked out of our bedroom window. He quickly flipped on our bedroom light (so much for slumber) "Danny! Don't!"

His face looked weird... he looked concerned and determined to answer the door. And he was not using his words. What the freak did he just see?

I hobbled out of bed after him. He was going to get killed and I was going to get raped. I just knew it. So I threw on an extra layer of clothes and grabbed our shovel that was located conveniently in the hall way on the way to the door. I wasn't going down without a fight.

To my wonderment, on our small porch, there stood the fuzzy fuzz covered in big bullet proof vests with big cargo pants and all tricked out in black. And as Danny so perfectly put it "They were sure packin heat." And lots of it.

I looked at Danny. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

They asked for a lady named Tanya and said that this was suppose to be her address. They asked us a few more questions and then showed us her picture to make sure we didn't recognize her, which we didn't, thankfully. But her picture was scary. She looked like a bad lady. We explained that in the past couple of months that we've lived here, we have had some total weirdos coming to our door, but that we didn't know the people who lived here before us.

Boy, we sure know how to choose places of residence. Our last house we shared with a schizophrenic. We recently found out that in our neighborhood our house is termed "The Kidnaps" because of a kid-napper that lived here. No wonder we got such a good deal.

So, hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband...

11 comments:

Chris and Jen Wright said...

oh dear. move here instead.

Alison said...

that is so scary! I think I would've died. but I'm glad you're safe. and that you had a shovel, just in case.

Carrie Ann said...

so you can run and tell that. homeboy.

Laci Brandley said...

seriously amber. Only you and danny...

Willi Nixon said...

why does this stuff always happen to you??? i swear you have the worst luck.

"you don't have to call and confess, we lookin for you!"

love you!

Jacie Saltzman said...

you are so dumb. you are really dumb. lol i love it

dude my instincts are run and hide, and yours are grab a shovel. remember when mark came to pick up laci? and i was scared to death and you just said, "well whats in here that could stab him with"

Anna said...

Haha I love you so much!

The other night we heard a sliding door open right below our window, and in both our heads/hearts we knew it was outside but the dog barked (which he almost never does) and I sat straight up and whisper yelled, "I left our sliding door unlocked!" So Jeff dutifully went to our bedroom door, and we both whispered to each other we were sure we heard it outside but we wanted to make sure... and all I could think the whole time he was creeping down the hall was, "I have nothing to kill the intruder or call the police with!" ... except my cheap full length mirror by the door, I envisioned the evil guy walking down the hall and me having to hit him with it, hopefully it'd magically shatter and stab him somehow. ... we've moved our guns from the extra room to our room.

janelle stubbs said...

amber you crack me up!!! but that's waaaay scary. i would've been freaking out too. that happened to us one time, but it was cuz we left our keys in our door and our neighbor found them, knocked on the door and of course there was no answer. they thought something was wrong so they called the police. but we never lived in a place where freaky freaks lived though.... i love your posts. i feel like i'm in the heat of the moment!

Debbie said...

Oh my Amber, the brave one. How about the night we were gone, you were home alone and the strange man knocked on the door and wouldn't go away after you had talked to him. The weapon of choice--what else but a huge bbq meat fork. Take that weirdo! Or running down the beach after the guys who stole your friends purses in the middle of the night. Danny should feel extra safe with you around.

Hannah Frank said...

Yeah I think this makes you officially unlucky with housing! That is creepy that a kidnapper lived in your house before you!!
Glad you guys ended up answering the door in the end, I mean from hindsight. Imagine, if the squad had broken down the door thinking the crazy was staking out? eek.
Glad it all turned out in the end and that you and Danny are alive and well!

Amber Masters said...

haha Anna was the one chasing big robbers on the beach in the night, just to clarify.