Smack That

Upon being seated for my first class of the day, I could not help but notice an overpowering yet disturbing fragrance consuming the air around me. It wasn't long before I noticed the source of the smell.
Disgusting blueberry pastry.
Even an individual who is not horrified of the trans fats, sugar, and calorie content of such an item (Really though. It is the equivalent of eating a piece of cardboard. It is simply not food! how can you put that into your body) would have still gagged on the stale aroma. Probably it was due to this kids's lack of a shower, brushing his teeth, and overall hygiene combined with blueberry.
If this was where the trauma ended, it would have been endurable. However, hygiene boy had the consumption manners of a rabid starved hyena.
Mind you, this boy appeared normal. He was dressed in nice jeans and a t shirt. He was probably an average height, average weight for a 22-25 year old male.

I have never heard anything in my life that sounded the way this kid chewed. The word smacking simply doesn't do it justice. He was breathingly heavily through his nose, clicking his tongue, and smacking his chops all simultaneously. Mercy. I thought I would die.

I texted my brother Derek because I knew of all people, he would understand. He hates smacking more passionately than anyone I know.

This is a texting conversation that we had later that day.

"So as to avoid assault charges, I swiftly exited the computer lab a while ago when a female (approximately age 18-21 years of age) entered and proceeded to sit at the computer directly across from me, whilst smacking her gum like a camel. The fact that food costs money and i have therefore not eaten today probably contributed to the immense and immediate rage that consumed my body. Were it not for the existence of law and a justice system to implement and enforce this idea of law, said female would no longer have any teeth left in her head with which to chew."

"I do find it bothersome that our present judicial system and officials find it just to let individuals, such as aforementioned female, reside in public settings. Whatever happened to autonomy? Freedom? Liberty? The pursuit of happiness? I for one, am rather inclined to round up all of said individuals and let them proceed to smack their ears off how they may. Which actually... may include dad. Oops"

"It seems to me there exists a gap betwen justice and our so called justice system. Allow me to defend my statement: Said female certainly caused physical harm to my ears and emotional and psychological harm as well. Would it not be just for her to receive equal treatment? Why should she be allowed to cause such agonizing pain to others, while we, the victims, would face legal charges for exercising true justice via a karate chop to the face and a kung fu grip to the throat?"

Thankful for brother.
Now everyone else, close your mouth when you chew.

Yesterday Rules

Yesterday after a long day of work, school, paper writing, and studying, I came home to:
A home makeover!

Danny pulled out a bunch of plants that had overgrown our sidewalk (before we moved in, obviously) & swept of the walk way to our door

Scrubbed our screen door until it looked brand new

Scrubbed and cleaned all of the windows and window sills

vacuumed

did a bunch of dishes (and we don't have a dishwasher so that is a big thumbs up)

fixed our bed that keeps falling down

took out all the trash

cleaned all the counter tops

cleaned the bathroom

organized the laundry hamper

and organized all of our school stuff, back packs books etc.

What a doll!

Good Grief

Tried to take quiz at home. "Submit" button doesn't exist. Email professor. He is nice. He resets quiz. Must retake by 2 pm. Only have 20 minutes. Scurry to the building my class is in. Get out lap top. Internet not working. Try to connect. Still not working. 8 minutes left. Run upstairs of building. Lap top battery dead. Find outlet to plug into. Load computer. Stupid updates begin. Tell updates to suck it. 4 minutes left. Connect to internet succesful. Load blackboard. Load quiz. 3 minutes. Still haven't STARTED quiz. Quiz loads. 10 questions. Good think I did reading. Zip through questions in 1 minute 41 seconds. Scroll down.

NO SUBMIT BUTTON.

Cry daily.

Go to class. Professor pat on head and say computers are hard. Retake hard copy of quiz. Don't fail 5% of grade.

Good day.

25 Facts for 25 Years of Life

Happy 25th Birthday Danny!!

Here are 25 facts that you may not know about Dan:

1. He makes the bed almost every day

2. He LOVES cheesecake. If you don't know that about him, you probably should.

3. I often call him my garbage disposal. He is absolutely the least picky eater in the world.

4. He is quite the singer.

5. He swims like Flipper.

6. He is artistic

7. He now owns his first pair of skinny jeans.

8. Out of any meal he could choose in the whole entire world, he would choose spaghetti from the old spaghetti factory.

9. He is what you might call fashionable.

10. His closest friends are probably his family members.

11. He is always ready for a little adventure.

12. He is arguably the smartest person in the world.

13. He enjoys a tidy home.

14. He won 2nd place in his age division in the first triathlon he ever did.

15. He knows any "Office" quote at the drop of a hat.

16. He's pretty dreamy to watch slalom ski. Is that how you spell slalom?

17. He served his mission in Chile.

18. He helps translate (into Spanish) for Utah County

19. He basically single handedly put on Utah County Health Fair last year

20. He is in the presidency of the Dental Club at BYU.

21. He can walk a tight rope.

22. He is about the most helpful person I know.

23. He would rather be at Lake Powell than anywhere on earth.

24. He likes to go fast.

25. He is now a quarter of a century old!!

Happy Bday Dan the Man!