Friday, December 11, 2009

Mini Wheats: Not for those under age 3, over 75, and those who do not chew.

Your alarm clock goes off. You hit snooze. It's Saturday! You sleep a little longer. When you feel like it, you finally stand up. You are even feeling ambitious so you reach your hands up high for a deep morning stretch.You slowly wake up by going to the bathroom, checking your email, heck,even turning on some Saturday morning cartoons. And when I say "you" I obviously mean me.
Once, as a freshmen at BYUI, I happily awoke later than normal because none of my roommates were home. It was peaceful.
It was clean.
All was calm.
What's that? A cry from my stomach?
A rumble from my tummy?
Time for breakfast.
I lazily waddled toward the kitchen and poured myself a nice delicious generous sized bowl of Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats.
I am not even sure if my eyes were opened yet at this point. I continued my waddle to sit right in front of the TV. I flipped on some Saturday morning cartoons to start the day out right.
And i began consumption of my scrumptious cereal.
When all of the sudden...
upon inhalation (drawing air into the lungs by breathing, not rapidly or eagerly devouring) one of the frosted fellows became lodged quite tightly in my esophagus.
Woops. Forgot to chew.
My eyes quickly popped open and I jumped up.
I tried swallowing hard.
My chest and throat were burning like the devil.
What should I do? No one is home.
I should probably frantically run around in circles.
I'm going to die I'm doing to die. Oh my gosh am I seriosuly going to die because I am a fatty and couldn't chew my food before swallowing it?
Maybe if I just keep trying to swallow it will eventually become saturated with my saliva and go down....
Nope. BURNING my chest and throat to death.
I sprinted into the kitchen. I really don't think I have ever moved so swiftly in all mine days. I made fists out of both my hands and lay one on top of the other-- all a top of the counter towards the kitchen sink. I hoisted myself upwards and backwards and tried to land underneath my ribcage onto my hands. Some would call this giving yourself the heimlich manuever.
after several attempts, one burning chest,  two watery eyes (not tears seeing as how i do not cry), and one very red face, the mini wheat flew out of my throat and into the sink.
Then, I laid on the kitchen floor and stared at the ceiling for a good hour.
Good times.

P.S. On 2 other occasions besides this, I have had to un-choke myself from mini wheats. Buyers beware.


Monica said...

can you imagine? your tombstone would read "death by cereal"
please don't die over breakfast.

D said...

i can't believe frosted mini wheats have been more successful than i at my life's number one goal. and the fact that they failed on three separate occasions is most disappointing

Willi Nixon said...

haha, hoist.

as i read this i can vividly picture you sitting one foot from our tv and eating your cereal with a big shirt pulled over your knees.

oh how i wish i still lived with you!

.:Anna:. said...

My gosh-what a tragic death that would have been.

So this has happened more than once? ... After the second time I might have chosen Post's Grapenuts or something with a smaller grain...

But hey-if you need someone to cut up your mini-wheats, I'd like to apply for the job!

They now have mini mini wheats

Mom said...

I cannot believe you, my child. And now I know where the statement from Bryce came from. D you had better be on guard and that is all I have to say about that.

Jessica Brown said...

Hahahha. I'm so glad that mini wheat didn't kill you ambie. I kinda like you. :)